is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
