wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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