Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
