My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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