So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
