Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
