I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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