im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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