On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
