I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This baby is an asshole
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
