Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
