can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize