So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
