i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
