I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
