My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
