ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize