you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
