i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
