i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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