hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
