You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
