I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
