I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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