Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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