I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
