I accidentally had phone sex last night
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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