The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
