He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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