Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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