you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
