Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
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