And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
