you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
