i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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