i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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