You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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