Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize