i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
