He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
