I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
