operation harelip BJ is a go
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
