I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
