I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
