Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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