Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i now understand why vodka
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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