she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
