Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
