We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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