one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
