Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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