it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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