I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
