you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
