The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Randomize