I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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