I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
