3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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