I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
