i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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