We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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