dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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