Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
