Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
