Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
