How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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