I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
