Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
