She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
