I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
a search helicopter?!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize