You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
