I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
