yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
