He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
