Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
