OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Randomize
