walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
