Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
