You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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