That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
