so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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