College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
