**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
