we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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