I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
