Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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