tonight lets celebrate not being married
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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