you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
