i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
