Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she peed on how many people?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
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